What makes YOU happy???

I had a fabulous dinner with a mall marketing friend of mine last night.  She is not very happy that I’m “no shopping in 2011” as the retail numbers from her mall are going to take a direct hit!  But, we did talk a lot about the reasoning behind my efforts for this year.

I told her about how I was shopping one day and said, “I need a new pair of black pants” and purchased a new pair at the Gap.  (It doesn’t hurt that I had to go DOWN a size!!!  Always a great reason to purchase new pants!)   I brought my new purchase home and looked at the other two/three pairs of great black pants that I had in closet and said, “why did I think this pair is any different than the other pairs?”  And the I looked at the black shoes…..and the purses….and the white shirts….and said the same thing.  Why did I think that that new purse would make me happy or feel better?  Because, as we know, things can’t make you feel better about yourself.  Only you can make you feel better about yourself.

So, that’s how I started it.  And why I continue it.  I’m finding that having dinner with my friend makes me feel happy.  Reading that great book I have by my bed makes me happy.  Writing this blog makes me happy.  Working out on the elliptical makes me happy.  Running outside with Buddy (my devoted Golden Retriever) makes me (and him) happy.  Not fighting about money issues with my husband makes me happy. 

So, I’m “redirecting”.  My happiness and yes, purchases.  I’ll still shop (although I didn’t touch January’s allowance money, so it rolls over to February….then March, when my friend Catherine is here escaping from the chilly Canadian weather!!!  We will be shopping at Coconut Point Diane….don’t worry!

How many years of therapy did it take???

I talk (on a somewhat non-regular basis) to an absolute wonderful marriage and family therapist who has helped me through some very difficult times.  I’d call her whenever I needed to talk things over – get some feedback on the things that are going on in my life.  I always say “I get it – I know what I have to do”…..and I go on with life!  My main directive was to “start doing things for myself or put myself first”.  I would always say, “I know…..I know!  And, I would start the vicious cycle of doing for others…..putting someone else’s wishes before my own. 

A few months ago – I spent a long weekend having a huge blowup “discussion” with my sisters on a three-way phone call.  A lot of things came to a head, including the underlying fact that I need to “put myself first – and do things for myself,” even at their expense of their first hand treatment.  “Yea, yea…..I know.” 

But something really clicked that time.  Not only was a doing a lot of soul searching in my personal life, but I was also doing some soul searching in my professional life.  I had been really happy doing sales and marketing…..but I was losing my drive.  I didn’t want to work for people who didn’t “appreciate” what I did for them.  And, frankly, I wasn’t interested in doing anything that didn’t excite me or interest me. 

So, I thought long and hard about my various positions in life – and thought about what I put into those jobs, what I got out of those jobs and how much I liked the job.  I did the old fashion pro/con list and just went down the line.  I realized that I got all my enjoyment when I “took care of people” – “nurtured them”.  Yep, I’m one of “those people” – and I think I’m pretty good at it!  I needed to work with someone who appreciates what I do – and how I do it.  And understand what I need to get back from the “relationship”- acknowledgment and (every now and then) some additional rewards.  I hope I’ve found it.

What does this have to do with no shopping?  A lot.  Getting the things you need from your relationship – be it work or personal, brings happiness.  So you don’t have look for it elsewhere – be it in the mall or that internet shopping site.  I’m trying to find it within.

Acknowledgement is the first step to rehabilitation

"Hi my name is Stacey, and I'm a shop-a-holic."  Don't laugh.  Because, I'm admitting it!  Out-loud and in print - for the world to see.

I'm not the glamorous "shopaholic" like in the series of books or in the same "shopaholic" category as the "housewives of _________ (fill in the name of the city)" tv reality series fame.  Just a working girl who loves to shop!  It's always been my "past-time of choice" - it was always fun and something to do when I was bored.  It was my hobby.  And, it brought me a lot of joy.

So now - now that my number one hobby is no longer an option for me.....I'm looking for something else to fill my time.  I'm still searching for that thing to do!  I've been reading ----I've read a lot of books in the past few weeks, probably more than I have in past few years!  And, I am trying to devote more time to working out - on a regular basis.  Get motivated and get fit!  And, I'm trying to do more writing, although the blog is the only thing I've written lately.  Maybe I'll do my own version of "raising kids the Chinese way!"

Back to shopping.  My massive spending habits started a long time ago.  When I first got the chance to “be away from home” and could spend whatever I wanted – when ever I wanted – where ever I wanted.  I never really got the lectures from my mother – and she knew it – they went in one ear and out the other.  She worried about me – the “daughter who would be like her – the one who would have to work like a dog all her life” – is what she always said.  And I listened to her like all children listen to what their parent’s say to them…..not really. 

And I continued my “evil ways” – buying and putting on credit cards.  Not “making a dollar and spending 50 cents” as mom would tell me.  And she warned my husband when we got married about the way I was.  I worked – hard all my life – not in high salary generating careers, but in things that I enjoyed doing - TV journalism, advertising/public relations, marketing and eventually sales.   I was happy – taking care of my family and my parents.  And of course….my hobby of shopping!

I got into the credit card habit…..and did have to get bailed out of my credit card bills – not by anyone – but myself.  I refinanced my house; paid off the cards – cut them up.  Then started all again.  And again.  Enough! 

Then the bottom fell out.  The years of 2008 – 2009 – 2010.  Difficult years.  My parents; my job; my house; my savings.  I think everyone reacts differently to loss and you really don’t know how it will affect you until it happens.    

For me, I've reflected inward.  Looking at myself and what makes me happy.  Although shopping always made me happy, the aftermath did (and does not).  I realize that I can't be happy with "stuff".  New stuff....better stuff....the "perfect" stuff.  Doesn't do it.  I've realized what job makes me happy.  What relationships make me happy.  I realized how to put "me first" and go into things looking for making me happy - not trying to make someone else happy.

It's been a journey.  Don't want to fall into the same trap, you know?   

I have had no urges to shop!

I've been very busy this weekend - I was expecting to be spending it with my sister Nina, who unexpectedly had to postpone her visit to sunny Florida so Eric could get some work done!  But also, she really needs to get over her sickness - especially before she comes down south!  (So many northerners come down sick and spread all your germs down here.)  So, instead, I cleaned and purged.  I decided to print out some more pictures and display them around the condo - and I'm motivated to re-do the back bedroom, so I'm surfing the web looking at elements to put together a design for the room.  Kind of a modern office/man cave.  Still a work in progress!

I have received some funny comments from my "retail" friends, who feel like I'm going to put certain stores on a sales slump and make their numbers look bad!!!  Oh well.....I never got anything for being the sales catalyst in the past.....so there!  You are on your own!  I am not going to cave into that economic pressure by the retailers. 

I have said to people that in my "cleaning up" and throwing out things, I am adamant about only keeping things in my closet that I feel "great" in.  If it tugs where it's not supposed to, or if just not comfortable or something like that.......it's out of here!  And shoes.....don't get me started!  I refuse to keep shoes that aren't comfortable.  Because why bother???

Be back soon.......

The "shopper shares the wealth"!!

I spent an enjoyable (but very cold!!!) weekend in Baltimore/Washington DC this weekend - celebrating my cousin Lisa's 50th birthday!  (Way before me, I have to say......)  I left the beautiful 75+ degree weather of Southwest Florida for 30-ish degree weather in the Nation's capital!  Mike had a good suggestion (before he lost his voice....) that I should have sent Lisa a ticket to Fort Myers instead of me making the trek.  But, I got to see Anita, Cyra and Andy and stay in their wonderful (and warm) house in DC; see the birthday girl and say hi to mom and dad.  So I packed up my two cashmere sweaters (along with all the other cotton ones.....) and headed north.  It was a great trip and I escaped before more cold weather arrived on Tuesday!

I went shopping - (I know....bad!) - with Lisa, so she could buy something "youthful" for her birthday celebration.  We hit Macy's - where everything was on sale!  The old Stacey would have been tempted to buy something - since the sale was so great.  But, not only did I not need anything- and I can't buy anything - I have learned that as much as I'd like to buy something that is cold weather - cool shortie warm boots - or sweaters, scarves and coats.....I don't need them in Florida!  And my flat black boots (that are about 7 years old) are still looking great because I don't wear them that much and they never get "weathered!". 

But, my big thing was that when Lisa checked out - I whipped out my case of coupons and gave them to her.  And she saved money on her purchase!  Being the good shopper that I am - I always have all my coupons that I get from stores - tuck them in my special coupon pouch - so they are with me if I need them.  But, since I'm nt shopping - I don't need them!  But, I'm here to share the wealth.

After the big party - Lisa's daughter Amy wanted to go shopping for boots. Great "fashion boots" - although Lisa thought she should get some warm boots.  So, when we checked out what was available at DSW, I whipped out my coupons! As all faithful DSW shoppers know - their coupons have an expiration date on them - but they never expire!  So, I whipped out my big 30% off coupon (which had a Nov. 30, 10 expiration date on it) - and gave it to Amy!  Wow!  Then Lisa purchased some "shortie warm boots" and used the other (expired) coupon and saved more. 

So, I got my thrill by watching them save money on their purchases.  And, cousin Lisa gave me a shirt she didn't like - so I gained a new top - (which I can wear now, since the weather is awesome!!!) - and still have not purchased anything. 

I am trying.  Really.  Thanks for the support.

Setting Goals and keeping it in check

I went to a very interesting "Women in Business" meeting sponsored by the Greater Fort Myers Chamber of Commerce tonight.  Not only because it was the first time in about 1 1/2 years that I've been in the Harley Davidson dealership since my husband had the "doors of opportunity opened for him" - you know what that means......but because the topic was setting goals for yourself.  The new year brings the opportunity for people to make goals - resolutions (are they the same???) about the new year.  Exercise, lose weight, eat right.....those are usually some of the resolutions people make each year.  (I think I did earlier in this blog!)

The panel of women talked about the past year - one woman thought 2010 was an awful year; another thought the year before was worse and 2010 was a bit better.  I thought 2008 was bad - too much lost for me, as you know.  But 2009 brought more losses, in a different way.  My daughter Sarah went off to college and we "downsized" from our (dream) house into the condo.  And for me - the loss of my purpose.  I found myself trying to find me - I needed to "reinvent" myself.  So, 2010 was an interesting year for me - a year of changes and 'self-discovery", which was good.  More interesting, I think.  One woman on the panel said she had to "re-define" her goals - because her business wouldn't survive in the changing economy.  And that's how her business survived. 

I too, think I changed my goals.  By changing my entire focus!  I spent so much time soul searching....trying to figure out who I am and where I fit in to the whole scheme of things.  What makes me happy.  Who really knows?

They say that when your nest becomes "empty" and you go back to being you and your spouse, people need to re-invent their relationship - or really, find out if you have one.  I re-invented myself - which, I don't know - is that harder, or not?  I guess it is both re-inventing me and re-inventing "us" - which, I think is harder. 

So when I think about the goals that I have for myself for 2011.....well some are resolutions and some are goals.  The "no shopping" is a goal; the "not be excessive" is a resolution.  The "be happy" is a resolution; the "find what makes you happy" is a goal.

Enough said.

I'm feeling the love and support of all!

Hi - it's day 4 of the new year and I haven't had to fight the urge to shop.  Maybe because my body feels like a big lug and I'm trying to get back into the swing of things!  Last night's Zumba class was awesome and I successfully sweated like a pig!  (that's a good thing.)  I'm also feeling peppy and ready to maintain a continuous workout.  (Although Charlie did not like his new cat collar and leash - so I don't think I'll be walking the cat anytime soon.....just Buddy, who always loves his walks.)

The brisk Florida weather is helping me continue my wardrobe selection.  I can put together outfits for warm or even chilly weather, but throw in 40 degree temps and I'm out of my element.  (Layering cotton over cotton doesn't really warm you sometimes.)  And, I don't want to purchase wool - icky....itchy!  Or cashmere - although it feels good - when do I wear it?  So, my out of town friends who I visit in the wintertime will see me in my few warm items - that I've worn over the years and will keep around just in case.  Otherwise, my warm weather waredrobe is awesome.

I'm going to post some pics soon - I keep saying that, but having gone through any of them yet!  I'm going to throw together my first "swap" date - a good time after the holidays are over to get rid of things we are tired of!

Switching my email address is a good way of not getting all those email coupons that I used to- from Lord & Taylor's (do we even have one close???), Nordstrom's (the mother ship), JCrew - ugh!  Anyway, not letting those people know my new email address has stopped the influx of coupons and sale notifications in my in-box!!! 

Ok, as the queen mum says, "Stay calm and Carry on!"  (that's for you Rich.....)

Wow! I forgot I had these!

Yes, you will be hearing me say that a lot, I tell my husband. I look around to the various places that I can hide clothes - you know, those boxes, drawers and closets in other rooms where I stash things.  And I'm amazed at the things I have there!  I do have a lot of clothes.  And I do have a nack to putting things together (outfit wise that is....) so I should be able to put together so many different outfits in the next couple of months!  I am serious about the wearing only things that make me feel good.  Right now I have on a pair of fabulous CAbi pants - that are so comfortable and stylish - and am thinking of all the tops I can mix and match with these - and change the looks all the time.  I really need to do the "ten basic pieces of the wardrobe" and see what I can come up with.  I"ll start posting pics, I promise!!!

And today I am starting to eat right again - no more holiday baking anymore.  I made my brother-in-law's family nutbread recipe (which I haven't had since Mom Langenmayr stopped making it.....) and it was delish.  I am saving it in the freezer for Eric when he and Nina come to visit in two weekends!!!  We will be eating Sonny's and nutbread all weekend.

I'm headed out to Zumba tonight with Cathy and I'll hit the bike in the morning - or the roller blades tonight!  We will see.  Gotta get moving again.

I'm also focusing on fixing up the office/man cave.  I'm finally ready to part with mom and dad's desk - it is kind of big for condo, but I wasn't ready to let it go just yet, and I think I am now.  We will see.

So, it's new discovery time.  Finding long lost clothes in the back of the closet - and re-discovering my knack for putting together outfits (Nina's fashion advisor, again).  And discovering that I'm not going to put up with things that I just don't love to death.  Watch out!

Happy New Year! The game is on!

Hi all!  I hope everyone had a safe and festive Happy New Year 2011!  It's 1/1/11 - very exciting time for all of us - lots of new ventures to begin!  I'm excited about the No Shop 2011 and accomplishing this goal.  I did the feng shui thing and cleaned, cleaned, cleaned today - getting all of bad chi out and welcoming the new year with good chi.  I de-Christmased the place - so all the holiday things are put away until later on this year.

After cleaning out everything - I was pooped and ready for some relaxing fun.  So, what better than to go shopping!  Except I'm not shopping today -of all days!  So, I cleaned out some more - this time my car!  Why not feng shui the car as well for the new year?  OK - day one and good to go!!!  364 more to go......

I will continue to clean out - the closets and drawers of things I don't need anymore - are out of style or i just don't feel "great" in anymore.  Just like I have decided not to keep shoes that aren't comfortable anymore - I'm not keeping any clothes that I don't feel awesome in!  If you don't like it - or feel like a million bucks in -don't keep it!!!

Happy New Year all - hope 2011 brings wonderful things to all of us!!!